Callings, Dreams, Signs.

Call it what you will, but when something is on your mind, your heart, and in your face more regularly than it simply being a coincidence, there is something to be said about it.

This is something I have come to realize about North Carolina.

I have always had this fascination with North Carolina. I have never been there, I haven't really seen pictures, I don't have any ties to this place, yet I find myself drawn to it. The books I tend to choose take place in the South, mostly North Carolina. I watch my favorite YouTuber and she is from North Carolina.

I have this overwhelming love for the South that I can't figure out where it spawned from. I love the idea of a small beach town with quaint streets, happy people who know your name, small shops.

There is no reason for me to want to go there besides a calling. From God. Why else would it come up so much? Why else would I be so enraptured with there? I fold letters for my company and find that every time I decide to be observant of the city it's being sent to, I see North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, I see them often.

I am also working on a novel that I have set in Georgia and North Carolina. I have never been either of those places but it feels right.

What do you think this mean?

I am not ready to pack up all my belongings and move there on a whim, however, I am going to continue and be more observant, and see if this is one of those signs that need to be answered.

These pictures depict exactly what I have in my head when I think of North Carolina.

The scenery, the lazy and beautiful afternoons on the porch.

I searched Google Images for North Carolina Scenery.

Put on Your Shades...

because I'm DANCING in the Flames!

In the immortal words of Lady Gaga. The song "Edge of Glory" is about about one's final moments on earth, before a person dies (Revealed by Gaga, in an interview with Google where she explained the song).

I have loved this song since it came out, when I was ignoring my faith and when I didn't have God on the brain at all. However, now that I am working on m faith journey, I have put most songs to the wayside. If it isn't growing me in my faith and in a positive way, I don't have much desire towards it.

However, this morning while I was telling God that I was feeling strong today, that song popped into my head. Especially that line.

Put on your shades because I'm dancing in the flames.

So, I decided to have a conversation with the Lord about how I need a little bit of a push from Heaven for some of the things that I am not really been able to handle on my own. And, as many things go with me, I went on 100 tangents in that time, and ended up realizing that one of my favorite verses from a song from long ago can actually be very faith related.

And that is understand that flames, fire, sparks, issues, can all be equated with the devil, demons, and personal struggles. However, with God's love and faith in our hearts, we are able to dance through the flames. We are able to recognize that there are struggles and hurts and strife in our lives, but we can still make a difference, call out for help from Him, and allow ourselves to see the good through the smoke.

I just felt like this was an awesome analogy, and one that I made, which means its going to stick much more. I feel as though that can be me motto.

I may be in the flames, but I am dancing.

Photo found here 

That's the relationship I want with the Lord. I want to work towards a head space where my first thought isn't anger, sadness, hurt, etc (though are all good emotions to work through), but it's asking God to stand by me through this; whatever this may be.

I heard somewhere, that God is like a helicopter over a parade, and we are watching it happen. We can only see the section of the parade that is directly in front of us, whereas God is above it all. He sees the beginning, the middle, the end. He can see the order of events, when they start, how long you will see them... He sees it all.

This is why it makes so much sense to put your faith in God. He can see it ALL! He can see your drive home from work tonight, He can see when you will fall in love, He can see your life laid out just as He has it planned. Why wouldn't you ask Him for guidance? That is why there are signs, instincts, gut feelings. Those things are going to be the best indicators in the direction that He wants you to go.

If we stumble and choose something that may not be in His plan, He has made room for those mistakes too. He knows it's hard sometimes, He believes in us, He supports us, and He is there to guide us when we ask for it and He is there to sit back and wait until you figure it all out.

Put on your shades world! I'm dancing through the flames of doubt and hardships because I have Him, God, the Lord by my side and in my heart, and he is going to keep on playing that music.

God Bless!

Working in my Bible.

Today, I came home from work and decided to give into some sadness and issues I'm having. But then I just felt worse! Isn't that just how it goes! Ugh! We try and do things on our own because the answer isn't right there! But God knows the answer. He knows all the answers. Every. Single. One. He sees the entire flight: take off, flight time, landing, every passenger, every place the planes shadow passes. All we see is the few minutes it's above our heads. Squinting into the sun, sometimes wishing we were going somewhere.

Feeling so philosophical and wishing I could take back all the things I did when I got home, I decided to take out my planner and Bible and get to gettin'. I often feel overwhelmed at work and write down quotes and bible verses that speak to me. I use Pinterest, Tumblr, and Twitter to get inspiration. To get my little dose of faith while I am at work. 

Tonight I took all those verses I had saved and scribbled down and went through my bible and underlined them. I have a special green pen I use and several bookmarks that I have added. I like my bible. The only thing I don't like is the cover, but there are worse things, as well as more important things. And looking through my bible really gave me an interesting feeling. I want to read the bible. My dad has always told me that when he enters an argument or discussion he likes to know his facts. Well, I want to know my facts and read the bible and grow in knowledge of my faith. And it's never good to follow something blindly.

I want to have all the knowledge I can have before I start and continue to believe. Maybe I will have some of my questions answered as well. It will give me the chance to find my beliefs, my specifc beliefs, while versing myself in the bible.

Now I am going to commence some research to find a comprehensible and doable "Read the Bible" plan.

Update to come.

Uncomfortable is Not an Excuse.

This is something I have learned time and time again. Growing up and being one of those little ones who don't like mass amounts of attention made me one of those people who, if something makes me uncomfortable, and it isn't required, I will avoid it at all costs. Pretend to be sick instead of going to class for a presentation, send an email instead of answering the phone, finding anyway to get my boyfriend to take my car to the shop so I don't have to [Who likes being heckled about an air filter that looks okay to you but will cause your car to blow up? Talk about uncomfortable!]

Praying was no exception. I felt like I didn't know how to pray, the right words, the right tone, the right flow, the right way to get things through to God. I had good intentions! When someone I knew was struggling with something, I would offer the sentiment that I would pray for them. It felt like something I could do, like the act of proclaiming this was as good as actually praying. Wrong.

Now, in my heart, I know that God was looking inside me to see that I truly wanted the person I was 'praying for' to get better, physically, emotionally. He sees everything within us. Whether we want Him to see or not, He sees the good, the bad, the embarrassing, the hurt, the success. He sees it all! AND! He loves us because of and in spite of those things.

But that is a lazy way to pray. To just assume that God is looking inside of us, digging through all the junk, and seeing the intentions. No matter how deep, He sees. So why would I need to actually PRAY? He knows, I know, we're good.

Wrong again.

The reason I bring this up is not because I am chastising those who look to God to see what they need, rather than asking them, but I say this because I recently realized that the reason I was 'praying' this way (which is in quotation marks because that isn't praying in the true sense of the word) was because I was uncomfortable with prayer!

THERE! I said it! I didn't know how to pray the "right way".

Now... before I go on, I know some of you are looking at this and thinking, "There is no 'right way' to pray! You just do it!" But, honest to goodness, I was scared that I would do it incorrectly and someone from the Pray Police would show up and tell me that it was disrespectful to pray the wrong way! This, of course, is very irrational, but worrying about doing things wrong or right can, sometimes, cause me to become paralyzed from taking the first step.

So, back to my story. I was tired of waiting for things to just come to me. That isn't how it works. So I decided to take a page from my boyfriends prayer habits, from the movies, from books. I was on my way to work last week, on Thursday, and I decided to turn the radio off, and just start talking. About anything! About everything! About forgiveness, and my self-esteem, and my dream from the night before, about my parents, friends, work, plans, past. Everything! EVERYTHING!

I just starting talking, and once I got talking, I couldn't stop. I had finally opened the flood gates to all these things that were inside my head, and heart, but were never said out loud. It was so therapeutic to speak about all my short comings, things I hated about myself, things I wanted desperately to change, and things that I needed from Him.

My drive to work usually takes me 35 minutes, and I talked until I got to my car, and about five minutes longer. I had never talked so much about me. And I was speaking to Him, He who knows all about me, made me, and knew everything anyway. I asked for forgiveness for my lack of prayer and belief, I asked him for forgiveness for not coming to Him sooner, and I asked to be helped with the things I was struggling with. {More to come on my personal struggles.}

You know what happened? I felt relieved. I felt like I had broken the wall down between myself and Him... a wall that I had put up. Isn't that true with most things?! There is a problem, however, when you look at it in hindsight, the problem was you, standing in your own way. Funny.

Was it still uncomfortable? Yes. Was it still something that I wasn't sure I could do again? Absolutely. Were there moments when I didn't know what to say? You bet!

All that aside, I had finally allowed myself the chance. That's all it takes!

And now... I do it whenever I am in the car alone! Which is a lot of the time. I drive 35 minutes to and from work.

This isn't something that I can say is a habit. I have only been doing the last couple days. However, I have felt a difference. I am feeling slightly lighter! I have a way to let out frustrations. And this, in turn, allows me to be a better girlfriend to my boyfriend, a better fish owner, a better co worker, a better daughter, a better sister, a better, all around person.

I finally have a sounding board that is zero judgement. I don't have to worry about anything other than how I feel, which allows me to walk it through in my mind, open my heart to Him, and allow a solution to form.

I have been loving it so much. I get in the car and start in.

Are my prayers perfect? NO!! Are they genuine? 100%. Am I still uncomfortable with starting? Yes--and don't get me started on closing. Sometimes I just have to stop.

But what's most important? I start.

Welcome to Faithful and Fancy! My journey back into a faith-filled life.